How to Help Depressed Seniors
You Can Help Stubborn Old People
Gretchen Heuring | ElderThink | 02.06.11
It's astonishing to discover the changes depression makes in your older parent or loved one. The person you have known for so 
long, who loved you and was so vital and interesting, is now irritable, difficult, and turned inward. This is a painful change and many of us just want to stay away.
If you want to help, you can. Your most important first goal is to coax your person to go to his doctor with you. The three of you need to talk about depression and possible treatments. You can be sure there are other ailments your old person will want to discuss with the physician, but bear in mind that depression makes pain worse, and a treatment plan for depression is your primary goal for this visit.
Depression in older people has quite a few differences from depression in others. There really are things you can do to help.
Listen Carefully
Your old person may not have had the opportunity to put his feelings into words while someone is really listening. He may repeat himself, or beat around the bush. Try to understand what he is really saying and ask if you have it right. Be patient and kind. He is in a negative state so what he says will most likely be negative. Try to sort out the message and sincerely repeat it back again. For example, "You think catsup doesn't taste the way it used to. Maybe the recipe has changed." or "You really miss my brother."
Acknowledge Feelings
Often people are irritable so they won't cry. If he snaps at you, touch his arm or take his hand. If he pulls away, try again one time and then give him a little space. Say something like, "I can tell you are sad." He may correct that and tell you his knees hurt, but he is responding, and you have reached him. Give him a little comforting pat. Touch is so important!
Appreciate
If you are aware of a recent accomplishment, be sure to comment. For example, "You are so good with grocery lists!" Ask him questions about past accomplishments too. Taking him back to successful happy times is a good thing.
Realistic Expectations
You can be sure that recovery will be slow and he's not going to just snap out of this. Acknowledge little steps, like watching a new TV program or movie, walking a bit further, or trying a new food.
Patience and Persistance
Depression causes people to think slowly. Your old person needs time to think about the possibilities and alternatives. Take baby steps and keep on acknowledging, appreciating and loving! One day, he will think about himself a little less and you a little more. He will be getting better.
One Big "Don't"
Don't give advice. Bite your tongue. He won't take advice and it will create mistrust between you. He needs to find and own his solutions. Instead, ask him what he thinks will make things better. He may not answer right away, but you can bet he will think about it.
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