Gretchen's Blog: Mature Relationships

Relationships Should Bring Joy and Comfort

 

Until we reach the old-old stage of life, we take relationships for granted. Our friends, family and pets bring us happiness and comfort us when we need them to.

 

As we Seniors become older and more frail, the people in our lives become caregivers. Many elders are grateful and graceful about receiving care but some are not, making the job of the caregiver difficult.

 

The Nature of Relationships with Seniors

Gretchen Heuring | 10.26.08

 

In her Bestseller, Another Country, Mary Pipher says that elderly persons can be divided into two cultures. The "young-old" and the "old-old" In her book, she makes some exellent suggestions for building and maintaining relationships with seniors.

 

"...most people enjoy being young-old. They take pleasure in many things, including grandchildren and opportunities to study and have new skills. The young-old have time to read, play cards, care for ther pets, travel, and visit friends.

 

"The old-old...walk a road filled with potholes of pain, low energy, poor appetite, and inadequate sleep. They lead lives filled with the loss of friends and family, of habits and pleasures, and of autonomy."

 

These stages don't have anything to do with age. Some people slow down at sixty and others are sprightly into their nineties or even hundreds. To live long and well, emotional well being is every bit as important as physical wellness. To be well and remain that way, we need stable and loving relationships.

Old People Suffer More From Negative Relationships

Gretchen Heuring | 10.22.08

 

Karen Rook, professor of psychology and social behavior at the Universithy of California, studies the social psychological factors that affect older adults’ emotional and physical health, specifically friendships and family relationships, personality characteristics and social perceptions.

 

One current study examines the impact of negative social exchanges on older adults. “When family or friends fail to provide support, or when they’re critical, demanding or insensitive, the effects can be devastating,” Rook said. “It may take as many as five positive social exchanges to balance one negative exchange.” Read More >>

Caring for Yourself (Try Again)

Gretchen Heuring | 10.13.08

 

"Caregivers are told all the time that they must look after themselves. But in my experience knowing what you should do doesn’t mean you can actually do it. How do you carve out time for yourself if you have a job and/or children? And how can you use that time most restoratively?"

 

Jane Gross asks this question in her New York Times blog, The New Old Age. We know you have heard this before: Take care of yourself. It's truly hard to do when a beloved elder needs you to be there. When you have your own family, guilt comes from all directions. More

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