Grandparents move to be on hand for grandchildren

Rodney Chester and Marilyn Gardner | Courier Mail | 02.22.09

Patricia Nan Anderson, author of Parenting: A Field Guide, labels it the "call of the grandchild".

Just as empty nesters start to enjoy their new freedom, their children who have left home start to have children of their own. And while it's possible to do it at a distance, it's more fun to spoil your grandchildren when you live nearby. >> More

Good Book!

The Granny-Nanny: A Guide for Parents & Grandparents Who Share Child Care

Grandparents answer a call

More are relocating to live closer to their adult children and grandchildren.

Marilyn Gardner | Christian Science Monitor | 01.26.09

As a third-generation native of Brownsville, Texas, Mildred Garza never planned to move away. Even when her daughter and son, both divorced, asked her to relocate to San Antonio to help with their children, she politely refused.

"My mother loves small towns and hates change," explains her daughter, Lisa Marie Gomez. Only after a year of friendly persuasion did Ms. Garza finally say yes.

That was four years ago. Today all three generations hail the move as a success, giving them a closer relationship than they would have had in separate cities.

>> More

A Thoughtful Book

Together Again: A Creative Guide to Successful Multigenerational Living

Seniors Move for Lots of Reasons

Gretchen Heuring | ElderThink | 03.01.10

There are many reasons why Seniors move to a new location. The may wish for a smaller home, or one that doesn't have stairs. The may want to be in a different climate where it's not so cold in the winter or so hot in the summer.

Seniors move to be closer to loved ones, or because the cost of living is better in another place. They move because they want to be in a Senior community or they want better or closer medical care.

But move they do, and those moves are usually a result of lifestyle changes such as retirement.

Sometimes Children Have to Make Decisions For Parents

It's hard on everyone when children discover that their parents need to move to a new place. There's help and advice, though. >>More

Most Often Seniors Handle Moves Themselves

Choosing where to live after retirement and making the move can be surprising difficult and stressful. Often a lifetime of memories has to be packed up and taken to a new location along with the people who have them. >> More

Very Helpful Book

I'm Still Your Mother: How To Get Along With Your Grown-Up Children For The Rest Of Your Life

Parents Moving Away

My Parents Are Moving Closer To My Sister

ElderThinker Advice | 05.31.10

Ann Writes: My parents live in the midwest. I have one sibling. She lives in one state and I live in another. I have six children and she has one. My parents have decided to move by my sister and her family. I am very hurt. I felt a little bit better about it when I thought that maybe they would be able to visit us more since they wouldn't be splitting their travel time between us. They just told me that they plan to see us the same amount of time as they do now. I am so hurt. They already spend more time with my sister than they do with me. I know they can't live in two places, but couldn't I get a little more of their time since they will be living by them. Don't they want to see my children grow up too? It hurts so bad I can hardly breathe. I don't want to hurt them, but what do I say. I just feel like they don't want to spend time with me and my family. I would like to know if I am being selfish. I want them to be happy. I can't make them want to be with me. It just hurts so bad. I feel totally rejected.

ElderThinker Writes: Feeling rejected by parents is really hard, especially when you really love them lots as you clearly do. I can think of a couple of possible reasons for their decision to live closer to your sister and visit you the same as always but you will have to ask them to be sure. One might be that they see they will need more help as they grow older and you are already pretty busy with six children while your sister has only one. Another might be that it is physically or financially difficult for them to travel very much. One last thought is that your busy active household is just too much for them.

I see this often as people grow older. They have fewer resources and their children sometimes don't realize that the cost of a trip is too much for them. Or they can begin to slow down physically and they don't want to admit that they need periods of quiet and even regular naps.

My best advice would be to try to set aside you sadness for a bit and try to look hard at how life might be changing for your parents. It could be that they aren't rejecting you at all but are trying to protect their own lives as long as possible.

Please write again any time, my dear.